Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
