we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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