I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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