how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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