This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
