There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
