forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
