You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize