Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
