Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
