the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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