I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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