oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
