she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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