we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize