So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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