I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
