but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize