Just took my morning after pill in the library
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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