I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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