I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
