Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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