I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
