Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize