Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
