I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
