don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
