the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
