This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
