i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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