i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize