Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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