Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
