the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
