Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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