Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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