he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
