My first STD was from a foam party
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
