I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
