we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
