so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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