I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How does one acquire holy water?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
