PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize