I am puke
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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