I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize