Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
