sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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