is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
