Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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