I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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