Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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