How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
