Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
