Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
