If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
