I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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