dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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