K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
