the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize