I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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