Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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