just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
