I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Buhtt sex?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize