life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
