Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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