we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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