Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
