Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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